Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i drank out of a bidet.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
