lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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