there's paper in my vomit.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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