She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
