Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
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