Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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