I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
