Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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