Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
