Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Randomize
