I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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