I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
