So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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