Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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