I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
