Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
