Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
