halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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