she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
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pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
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Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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