It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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