the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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