I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
