Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
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come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
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I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
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