Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
