So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
