Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
