Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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