Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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