Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
sex in a hospital.. check
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
