I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
