i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
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