Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
