I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
