I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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