I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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