How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
