Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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