Tell her she can't have a vagina
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Randomize
