To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Ladies don't puke and tell
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
