his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
