so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
