So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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