some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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