dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize