I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
