I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
