this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
This baby is an asshole
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I would fuck him just for his dog
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
