idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Holy shit dude........stairs
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
