Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
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