Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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