Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
