Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
