it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
We got so high we made milksteak
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
