is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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