i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
