I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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