I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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