Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
