go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
