i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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