You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
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She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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