I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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