Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
