Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
