you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
