if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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