you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
