im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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