just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
