Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
